Old but Young

 
 

I have finally quit my job after some time of nagging and thinking whether to do so or not, but I couldn't wait any longer. I hated it since the start, but I just stayed there as per everybody's advice. They kept telling me there are no jobs, people are getting fired everyday. Stay there and give it a try. And I did all that for nearly three months, but I couldn't stay. Enough is enough, and the strange thing, is that I am happy with my decision. Do you know that I've been dreaming every night about my work? All my dreams now relate to the financial statements and how they should be written and that when I go there in the morning I should correct that certain paragraph. Oh, I had terrible nights. But the one I had the day before yesterday, was the worst, no matter how I can describe it. I was reciting all the financial statement which consists of 24 pages in my dream. Can you imagine? Just saying it all over and whenever I try to wake up from this dream or just try to turn left or right in my sleep, I go back to where I stopped. I woke up in the morning and I felt I was crazy or on my way to madness. Really! So, I headed to my office, started writing my resignation letter and that's it, it was my decision. I gave it to my boss and he signed it and said that I can't just leave without notice. I told him that I am still on my probation period and that I can leave any time I wanted, but even though, I told him that I can stay for a week or two until they find a replacement and that was it. Simple, quick and without hesitation and I really feel glad. I hope that I've quit my nighmares as well.

I won't think of finding another job now, as the kids will be having their exams and then we will be traveling for the summer vacation and I really want  a good break. But what I would really love to do is a small business and I have a small capital for it, but I have to find a partner. So, I will be searching for this partner in the coming period. Wish me luck.

 
 

I guess my son is turning into a teen ager, although he is still 11 and a half. I don't mean that he's got physical changes or anything of this sort, but his behaviour. I can't describle how he acts now. He disobeys all instructions either from me, his father as well as his teachers at school. He had detention last week at school and stayed one hour after school. His poor sister had to be punished as well, as they go home together. I tried everything with him, tried to be nice, tried to convince him into talking. I talked with teachers, doctors, specialists as well as my parents who have the experience as they are educators and PHDs. They all tell me the same things, but you know what? Rules as per the book are really nice and sound easy, but try to implement them, you will just feel exhausted and powerless. I love my son and I want to help him go through this stage, but it is difficult. He just doesn't want to listen and so stubborn. He doesn't even want to study and that's what's bothering me. His final exams are after two months and he doesn't have the intention, even though I promised to buy him the laptop he wanted if he gets A or B in all subjects. In the beginning, he was pleased, but then, it seems he doesn't care or bother anymore. I can't punish him everyday, I am fed up. I even take him out on week-ends to refresh him, but he still doesn't want to study or do his homework. For example, he has interim tests this coming week in the major subjects which are English, Maths and Science. Since the morning, I am trying to let him study so that we can go out for lunch and go to the gym later, but what he did was one hour reading and that's it. What to do? Shall I take him out, or just leave him alone at home?

 
 

Now it is 11:00 pm and I just got home after a long day full of adventures. Well, I had an accident. Thank God I am fine, nothing serious, but my car was injured, poor car.

I had my salary cheque with me ever since the 23rd of February and whenever I want to go to the bank, millions of things just pop up. So, finally today when I came home from work and found the kids sleeping, I had a quick lunch, waited for my husband to arrive and as soon as he came in, I told him I am going to the bank as this is the most apporpriate time. If I waited a little bit longer, the kids would wake up and the circle of homework as well as studies (for the exams) will begin. Anyway, I went to the bank and I finally got the money and I had enough time to go and deposit the money in my account in another bank. I was just on my way and all of a sudden, a line of cars bumped into each other. There were at least 3 or 4 cars behind me and only one car infront of me. What happened was that the highway was blocked and all the cars  started to slow down and so did I. But unfortunately, the cars behind didn't notice this slow down and they had to came rushing from speeding. Anyway, I wasn't wrong in anyway and so was the car infront of me.

Well, it all happened so quickly and I stood still for a moment not knowing what to do, shall I get out of the car? Shall I call the police or my husband or what? Then, I went out to see the damage and I didn't like what I saw. The problem is, I was certain of the man who hit me from the back and of course the one infront of me, but the strange thing was that there was another car that just passed us and went to the emergency lane. From where did it come from, I don't know and the man who was driving that car just came out and said no much damage, no big deal. So, I told him yes no big deal to you and your car, but what about mine? He just told me thank god that you are ok. I didn't even know who was he or from where did he come from? And you know what? He just lied and said that he was the car behind me. I was quite sure of the car behind me, it was just like mine, same model, same colour. Can't miss it and I can't even ignore his damage as well.

Anyway, I went back to my car and called the police, then I called my husband and told him to stay with the kids, so that they can finish their studies and I even gave him the exact instructions for their work and what they had to do and how he should follow up with them. It was about 7:00 pm and the police car came real quick. They had a look at the cars, took our driving licences and told us to go to the police station. I went to the station and I found out that there was a man waiting for me and calling me by the name, and then he told me that they are all waiting for me in another police station. OOOOOOOOOOOf, I hated myself and I hated driving. I was thankful to know the first one and got to know the way, I have to still find this second station which is in another area that I have never been to before. What a night, what a crowded night too, yes it was awful. I couldn't get out of the first area, it took me half an hour just to go out of it and then still find my way to the other one. Ofcoure they were all waiting for me and I had no patience for anything, I wanted to go home for the kids, but at the same time I have to go there to get my licence. Poor kids, I wondered what they were doing and whether they really studied or not, but there was no other solution.

Then, we waited nearly an hour for the inspector and then it was finally our turn to go inside. He kept on asking and asking and oh my god, this man who came out from nowhere was lying. When my turn came, I spoke the truth and I didn't care of what he said. Anyway, we all have to go tomorrow morning in another place to examine the cars and if one of us doesn't show up on time, they will file up a case in court.

Now I am wondering what to do tomorrow. Shall I go to work first and then leave, or shall I call up in the morning and tell them that I had an accindent at night and can't come in today? I am not sure!

 
 

It's so strange how we get attached to something or someone for a very long time and then all of a sudden, it disappears. Yes, just fades away like when you stir the sugar in a hot cup of tea. This is life, it's so weird and unpredictable, not fair sometimes and so annoying a lot of times. You are in love at one moment and then discover that it was only an illusion. You care for people who turn out to be not even worth it. You can be devoted to them to an unlimited kind of devotion, wanting to sacrifice for them, but why, for what? At that time, you don't use your common sense or mind, it's just the heart. Our heart is our Trouble. You won't get to know the truth about a person unless there is some kind of trouble or a situation when you need him/her to be beside you, even just to cheer you up. 

A friend in need is a friend indeed.  

This is what they used to tell us in the past. It's true in all what it stands for.

The past, oh, I can't say this word "Past" cause everything that ocurred in my past is still present to me, I feel it, I live it and I remember all that happened to me. I remember all my experiences, the good and the bad, the laughs and the cries, the happiness and the sorrow. They are still living with me, maybe as memories, but they are there, they haven't gone anywhere else. They are part of me and I am still alive and so will they until I go away. Only then, they'll go as well, although they won't be far from me either, they will still be with me, but God only knows if I will feel them like I do now.

I am  a person who gets attached so easily. I can get attached to someone or even a place. Can't control it, but it is really making me suffer, cause nothing is permanent in this world. Everything changes around me and I stand alone with my attachments, so so many I have indeed. Hard feelings sometimes and nice memories at other times and life goes on and on, till death do us (attachments) apart.